Not to push ideas, but it may be helpful to just meet with a psychiatrist or therapist, even once. It doesn't mean that you're weak or damaged or "have issues." It just another type of problem-solving. If nothing else, it's completely confidential, there are places with free or subsidized services, and you can rule out treatable conditions.

It can be helpful to have an objective third party assess a situation and work through ways to figure out things. =)

um. if you ever want to get a way there's a piece of floor in nyc for you...alternatively we could stoaway on some ships and live it up on an island somewhere. i'm down for either.